Ashlee's Last Basketball Game

I don't really understand my feelings tonight, so I thought writing them down might help me feel better.  Tonight was Ashlee's last basketball game of the season.  I am really proud of her for trying out, and trying her best in each game.  I have tried to go to as many games as I could (sometimes I was just too tired/maybe lazy).  Tonight I was feeling tired too, after having driven the after school carpool and just getting home at 4:15.  I thought to myself, I don't really want to go back to MacLaren, I just drove there and back!  But knowing it was Ashlee's last game, I really wanted to be there to support her (plus I really wanted to get a picture of her to put on this here blog).  

When I got there, I saw Vonn and Myriam and went to sit by them.  Then Gabe called.  He asked about Amy-- I was supposed to go pick her up and bring her to the game, and I forgot!  Oh man, I felt bad.  That thought had escaped my brain.  (I am worried about how forgetful I am getting.  I can't even listen when someone is explaining something to me; I just get sidetracked.) 

Anyways, after the game, I knew I had to tell Ashlee that I had forgotten to bring Amy.  And plus I REALLY wanted to get her picture for memory's sake.  Well, when I told her, she was kind of mad at me.  But  I thought she was still okay.  Then I told her I wanted to get her picture.  She did not like that idea at all.  She refused, and put her head down on her backpack so I couldn't get a picture.  I kept trying and Vonn got up and tried too.  She would not cooperate.  Then she said something like how I am being a jerk.  That hurt my feelings, and Vonn said "Hey, don't talk to your mother like that."  Then we got down off the bleachers, and Ashlee walked out of the building.  I hadn't seen her go out, so I looked in the girls locker room and didn't see her.  So we all walked outside and found her sitting on a bench by the parking lot.  By that time, I had a lot of hurt feelings inside of me, and chose not to talk to Ashlee the whole drive home.  But Ashlee apologized in the car, and I said I was sorry too for forgetting Amy.

Anyways, that is what happened, and I am not sure why I have all these hurt feelings inside of me.  It probably wasn't a good time to try to get a picture, after I had just made Ashlee mad at me.  Pictures should probably be taken when everyone is in a good mood, otherwise what is the point?  If anyone is unhappy, it will show through in the picture, and do we want to remember the bad times?  No.  So I don't know why I am writing this, if only to sort out my feelings.  

She apologized again at home, but I still feel bad.  I feel like I am a failure.  I want to blame someone else for my mistakes, even though I should own up to it.  I don't know how to be a good mom, the mom Ashlee needs and wants.  I don't know how to communicate well, or be funny.  I am always serious, and Ashlee likes to joke around.  I don't know what the right answers are.  Maybe someone else could do it better.  

Her last game should have been a joyful one.  Now what we will remember are the bad feelings that night.  I guess maybe I am just dwelling on the negative tonight.  I am wallowing in self pity.  If you are reading this and got to the end, I am sorry. 

Starting School at Thomas MacLaren

This year Thomas MacLaren opened up their school to Elementary students, and it was a really hard decision whether we should send the boys there or not.  We love Chipeta, but Ben and Sam seemed excited to try MacLaren, plus our friends were doing it (Bakers, Christensens, Richards) so we decided to as well.  

I was not completely ok with the long commute though.  About 24 minutes to get there.  (sigh)  So we ended up buying a van between us and Christensens and Richards to share.  That van has really been a lifesaver, but Ashlee doesn't like it too well.

Here's a rundown on each kid:

Ashlee

Ben

Sam

Thomas

All About Eliza

I can't believe it has been over a year since Eliza joined our family.  She is now 14 months old, and as feisty and fun as ever.  Here are some fun things she is doing:

• She recently learned how to "woof" like a dog.  But when she does it, it sounds more like "Hoo Hoo."  So cute.  I love how she gets so into it.
• She has always loved to point to our noses, and sometimes eyes, mouth, etc.  She loves it when we react to it.
• She also loves to point to her belly button.
• She thinks it is funny when she tries to touch her private area while I am changing her diaper.  Because she knows it will get a reaction from me (I am just trying to keep her hands clean!)
• If Thomas lays on her, takes away something, or just looks at her funny she will let you know.  That girl is LOUD when she wants to be.
• Lately she and Thomas have been "bouncing"  on the bed, by holding onto the headboard and bouncing up and down on their knees.  One of the cutest things I have ever seen.
• During her first year, Eliza was not a very good sleeper.  Often she would just start crying in the night, and would not stop for at least an hour or so or until we went in to see her.  Finally at just over a year old, she is finally a good sleeper and taking good naps.
• She refuses to walk.  She started crawling at around 11 months, and now gets around really well on her hands and knees.  But she adamantly resists walking.  I figure she will walk when she decides she is ready, nobody else can tell that girl what to do.  
• She usually has a little rats nest in the back of her hair.  I try to comb it out, but it comes right back again.  
• She loves her thumb, and her pink "blankie," and "lamby."  
• I love cuddling with her right before bed, and singing songs to her in my rocking chair.  I just hate to put her down, I think I could hold her all night and be completely happy.
• Eliza prefers her daddy to me sometimes (especially when I tell her it is bedtime).  She loves to go to him and snuggle.  They have a special relationship.  I love to see that.

I just love that girl more than anything.  I love her feisty spirit, yet such a sweetheart.  I love that she brings our family together in love.  Everyone adores her.  She is a uniting influence in our family. 

Update 2/11/2019  I heard her say "Ba pa" the other day and I THINK that means Mama.  Yay!  She can also say "Haw"  for hot, usually when I give her food that she thinks might be hot.